''lf taking care of me will reduce your sorrow, then l'll come to you''. ''l'll come at least once before l die''.- Devdas
The romantic yet painful dialogue of the movie Devdas to his Paro. Altaf would always joke about this dialogue and say "Love does not mean to separate and hurt the person you love, it means to stand up for the one you love and fight for her".
"What happened now? Is your fight over? you never believed that love meant to separate, does that mean that what we had between us was not love?" These thoughts kept running in my mind and if that was not enough then there were people around me always gossiping about what a blunder I have done.
"I always told her never to trust a Muslim guy. But she never listened to me" I once heard the head of our gossip group- my next door neighbour Sheila aunty talking to a bunch of ladies on the road. I really so not understand how can people really be so nosy about others matter. Few years back her own daughter ran away with a schedule cast boy and came back home not just dumped but pregnant, and even then she would not stop spilling mud on others faces when her own is pile of shit. But, then this is human tendency. No matter where you go, there will always be such a B**** to back-bite. She is my mother's best friend and i really feel the only reason she got in terms with us was to enquire about me and Altaf during our teenage years.
"Eh! Aunty, would you mind to keep your gossips within your own limits. I believe you haven't forgotten that bad deed do come back and bite you in the arse" I shouted before entering my house. The ladies standing with her laughed and left. Shiela aunty gave me a furious look and went inside. These people should be taught a lesson.
"WHY?" This question will always remain in my heart. I think I can live with that.
I knew he was not happy. We were fighting over issues like socks, salt in food, wet towel and lot of non-sense. Although, I know the main reason of our fight was my incapability to bear the fruit of our love. I don't blame him. He had always wanted a child and it was my fault- my lack of management and carelessness towards my health lead to such a misery in our relationship and I can never forgive myself.
"It is all your fault" I shouted at him one night when I added salt in his cup of hot chocolate. I was not in my senses and was so deprived from the pain of what was happening that I didn't even realise what I had done. He didn't even say anything and drank the cup, it was when I sat to drink my share the blunder I had done.
"How could you do this to me?" I shouted. "Why did you drink it? You want to cause more pain to me? What is wrong with you?" He tried to console me, but i threw him out of the house and made him sleep in the lawn. I was out of my senses. We consulted many psychiatrists and Gynaecologist, but nothing seemed to work. It was a dead end. And so I let him go.
I saw a private number calling on his phone. When I asked who it was, he said a maniac client. I ignored it.
But the story went on like forever, he would keep hissing at the corner of the lawn and when asked would say "nothing just a maniac client"
"What do you mean a maniac client?" I shouted
"I told you, its work related. What is wrong with you?"
"I need to know if you are cheating on me"
"Are you mad?" He came near me. Inspite of my resistance, held me in his arms and kissed my cheeks. "You are the only love of my life, I will never betray you".
But he lied. I never asked about that maniac client ever again. Until one day... we live in the smart phone era, it is not difficult to look for something if you really want to look into the matter but then it was never an intention to mis-trust him.
Altaf was in the shower when the phone rang. He asked me to pick it up, it was the same maniac client. Altaf had saved the number under the name Maniac. I picked the call..
"Hi, give the phone to Altaf" a lady on the other end said. She was talking as if she owned Altaf.
"Excuse me. May I know who you are?" I asked as politly as I could tolerating the agitation in my voice.
"That's none of your business" and she slammed the phone down.
I saw Altaf walk out of the shower and seeing my face turn red with anger and shame. "I told you it's a maniac client" he said.
But I didn't tell him whose call it was. Then how did he knew?
This question made me go crazy but I never dared to ask Altaf anything. The base of a relationship is trust and I do not want him to think that I don't trust him. I want to be the most loving wife that my man wants. Now the question was, does Altaf want me?
No! he didn't want me. If he did, these things wouldn't have happened.
It's time I walk away... "I am sorry, Altaf. I have to go" I said to him while he was sleeping, packed my bag. Now i just needed a reason, so he doesn't keep wondering why I left.
When you want to go, no one can stop you.One wet towel and I left....................FOREVER!